Carson and Dillon decided to sword fight with straws today. Carson got hit in the eye. After crying episodes every 5-10 minutes I took him to urgent care. They put in special drops to glow in black light if there are scratches.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Carson's a pirate!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Kayda's Braces
A year and a half ago the dentist told me that Kayda needed and orthodontist consult. She has a skeletal overbite and her front teeth are angled way out front. Since a skeletal overbite means her top jaw is growing faster than her bottom jaw she has to get braces as she is still growing. If she doesn't it could lead to major jaw problems which would require surgery to correct. So we went in for consults after each dentist appointment until two weeks ago we were told that her front teeth had matured enough to be moved. Kayda was nervous. We talked about what to expect, what it would feel like, what it was like for mommy etc. She understood why it was need so she didn't complain, she just worried. I wanted to be sure her braces were on before we left for our long trip. That way she wouldn't be starting school while adjusting to braces.
So last week she went in and took two different types of x-rays, moulds, and many, many pictures. She also had four spacers put in to make room for the metal bands that would go around her molars. She was almost giddy! She made faces, cracked jokes, and laughed the entire time. She thoroughly impressed the assistant!
Today she had them put on. The boys stayed with grandma and papa G. I must say it was fascinating to watch. I've had them put on but never seen it! Putting the bands on hurt some, which she expected. They had to try several different sizes and then take them of again to glue them in place. Having her mouth open for an hour and a half left her with a very sore jaw. Fortunately she got to watch a movie the whole time. She said she didn't even feel it when they put the brackets on her 4 top permanent teeth. Her poor mouth was so little her lips kept popping out of the retractor meant to keep them open.
It sounds like this process is going to be fairly elaborate. Next visit she be given head gear to wear at night. Then later in the process she will wear a bite plate and then have braces put on her lower permanent teeth. They can't put them on yet because the upper teeth stick out so much they would bite directly on the metal brackets. She is missing a permanent molar so they are trying to preserve the baby tooth s long as possible. If it comes out they'll probably have to put in an implant. It isn't massive the gums as far as it should be so they don't know if it will make it. They may be removing her upper cuspids in order to let the permanent ones move in more easily. She has a very crowded little mouth. This should take 16-18 months.
I was also told that as more permanent teeth come in she may need to go back into braces and possibly have permanent teeth removed in order to align her bite properly. She has quite a while until all those come in though.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Mommy's Surgeries
This is another one of the random posts just to record happenings in our family. Right now, it's about me. If pictures of me "before" in my underwear is too much for you, well, just don't read. There is also a LOT of information you probably don't want to know... or if you're like me you don't want to look but you just can't help yourself. The pictures are after my incredibly long account of my surgeries so you are warned!!!
Growing up I was always self conscious; of my body, of my voice, of the way I behaved, of me. As I got older, it got worse. Once I started working my weight started to creep up, then I had three (incredibly beautiful, wonderful, sweet) children and no surprise it went up more. As my weight got higher, I got more and more insecure with myself. I didn't feel like I could be me. I like to climb rocks, play at the beach, swim, act silly, ride bikes, chase my kids and climb on play sets with them. Unfortunately the heavier I was the less I was emotionally able to do those things. Physically I still could, I was just too self conscious to do it. I felt like everyone was looking at me in disgust.
Along came 2012. It was a rough year with some issues I never imagined I would have to deal with. I started going to therapy, got onto some depression medication and coped the best I could. By October 2013 I was 285lbs. According to BMI I am supposed to be less than 160lbs. I had always sat around 175lbs though. I struggled and struggled. Diets, weight loss, weight gain, etc. The constant battle that many people faced. After the events of 2012 I simply couldn't handle that battle anymore. Every time I "failed" at a diet it sent me into a deep depression. I had enough of that without adding in weight loss issues. So I made the decision to get the gastric sleeve operation. Essentially they cut out 80% of your stomach and staple the rest shut. Your stomach is essentially a tube but still there and still functioning. I did a lot of research to decide on that operation and it suited my needs the best. A month later (November 5th, 2013) I had the operation. I was really lucky to have the support of the entire family.
Getting the sleeve was rough. I expected pain, which I ended up not having. What I got instead was terrible nausea. I threw up every time anything went into my stomach. The days after my surgery were spent between the bed, the shower (my happy place when I'm sick) and the toilet. I was getting down not even 100 calories a day because my stomach and my altered taste buds simply would NOT tolerate anything. Needless to say the fatigue was extreme. I would get up, get kids to school, hang out with Carson, get kids from school, wait for Daddy to get home and immediately go to bed. Once I was able to eat a little more the fatigue slowly subsided. It eventually got to the point where I would just occasionally "crash". I would be good for several days and then have a day I could do nothing but sleep. About 5 months later I was back to normal. 10 months post op I was back to my high school weight of 175lbs.
The only problem was that skin doesn't really shrink back when you lose that kind of weight. I was left with sagging painful skin around my stomach. Pants pinched painfully, jumping and running were out of the question and my back pain was incredible. Of course my breasts were awful. Between my stomach and my breasts I had to start going to see a chiropractor and get massage therapy due to the sharp pains that would shoot along my collar bone and back. I didn't realize how difficult dealing with the skin would be. You see your weight on the scale, and then you see your body. Beyond the pain there was also a huge emotional struggle. I desperately needed to fit in my own skin. I needed to love myself and I simply hadn't been able to... my entire life. So I decided to get surgery again. I was going to get an extended tummy tuck but after talking to the surgeons the results would be questionable. Skin is like fabric, it will pucker if it isn't tapered correctly. In order to get optimal results I needed to go all the way around to get what they call a circumfrential lift.
November 7th, 2014 I got the surgery. I went to a place that had their own operating room and I could go home that day. I had no interest in being in the hospital, often times being home is where you will have the best healing. The operation went well, they had to put me back under because some of the stitches were separating, but I was alive and 7lbs of skin lighter. Yes, 7lbs. In case you don't know what they do, they cut around the belly button, pull the skin way down and cut a new hole to put the belly button in. On the back they actually pull up instead of down. They also stitch together the muscles in the middle of your abdomen. To give you a point of reference I had a scar from where they removed my stomach about 3 inches up from my belly button which is now just barely about the scar from the tummy tuck. I don't remember anything about waking up except for the need to wake up so I could get in the car. I kept slipping back under. Daddy said they had to hold me down at some point because I would jerk and try to get up. I remember getting home and being very determined to make it up the stairs. I was so tired and in so much pain but I was going to make it up to the recliner (thank you Grandma H). Sitting down in the recliner was a nightmare. Daddy and I didn't really know how to go about it and I couldn't bend. I had stitches around my entire waist. I had a catheter and I remember desperately having to go to the bathroom but I just couldn't. I finally told Daddy to just take it out and I would get up and go to the bathroom. So we did, and I didn't make it. Well, I got to the toilet. But I blacked out on my way back to the recliner. The pain was so intense that I was holding my breath and didn't even realize it. Fortunately Daddy was right there. I had a love hate relationship with that recliner. I loved it because there is no way I could have used the bed, but when you can barely move and have to sit it in ALL the time your tailbone becomes the main focus of your pain... it was excruciating. I slept in that recliner for a couple of months. I finally figured out how to finagle pillows so my tailbone wouldn't hurt so bad. The drains were awful, there were three of them, one on each hip about 3 inches down from the bone and one from the groin area. They had to be measured and emptied and once they stayed below a certain amount of fluid they could be taken out. The first one came out at 2 weeks I believe. At that time the doctor noticed an infection starting along the incision along my back and signs of it in the drain from my groin. He got me on antibiotics right away but it was gross. While the incision didn't completely open it gaped about an inch there was still flesh together, it was just the skin rolled back and it oozed. That evening (Monday) the stitches holding the drain by my groin ripped out and it slide partly out of my body. These things are about 18 inches long and half of it came out. I called the next day and they just said to pull it out. Keep in mind I couldn't feel any of this as the nerves were severed when they moved skin around. At this point we were coming up on Thanksgiving. Well Wednesday night, after the surgeon was gone. My drain site on my right hip, which had been removed, reopened. It was so disgusting but so fascinating. I just kept pushing a certain spot on my side and it just kept coming out. It was just like the fluid I had seen in the drain so I wasn't too worried. Of course Thursday they were closed. By Friday it had closed back up so I wasn't concerned by then. Then around 4pm on Friday I felt something wet running down the inside of my thigh. Remember how the groin drain had fallen out? It had sealed back up beautifully but a small (1/8 in) section of my incision about it on my stomach opened and was GUSHING goo. Not the normal fluid I had seen. This stuff was thick and honestly looked like a giant loogie coming out of my stomach! I knew it needed to come out but it wasn't stopping so I went up in the shower. I got a good 1/2 cup of goo out before it started looking normal. Eventually 2 dime size chunks of necrotic tissue popped out of this tiny hole in my incision. Fortunately I was able to call the surgeon. They said to get as much out as I could, scheduled me to come in Monday and called in more antibiotics for me. My appointment was hilarious. He wanted to make sure there weren't any pockets left so he went to my hip first and I showed him where I had to push to get it to come out. He pulls out this fat needle and starts poking it around trying to find anything. It was surreal watching him because I could not feel ANYTHING. He didn't find anything so then he moves to the front. He starts poking around, can't find anything again. I had told him I could still push stuff out. So I asked if he wanted me to (after he'd poked me and made me bleed several times). Sure enough, I push in just the right spot and it sprays out. He told me to keep pushing it out as long as it would let me so several times a day I got to watch weird bodily fluid spray out of my stomach in the shower. It didn't stop for over a week. My back was the slowest to heal and there is actually still one spot that just doesn't seem to want to heal completely. It took me months to move normally and I still can't stretch in certain ways due to the permanent sutures up the middle of my stomach.
At this point my back already felt SO much better but I was super concerned that it would start again since breasts play such a big role in it. When I had been losing weight my back felt great for a few months and then was WAY worse than before. I was scared that would happen again. I decided to have a breast reduction as soon as possible. A little history, TMI, sorry. In high school I was a 38D, after all my weight gain I was a 38J, they wrinkled and flattened until I literally lifted them and jammed them into a 38DD. The problem was they didn't support themselves so no matter what kind of bra I had the weight was distributed incorrectly and caused back pain. So I went in February 12th, 2015.
This sugery was effortless. I went in with 38DD and came out 2 lbs lighter. They removed about 360cc from each breast. For those of you who don't know that is the average size implant. So they basically removed a breast from each of my breast. So when I joked with my friends saying I'd "give them some of mine" I totally could have given them a new set of breasts! Anyway. I remember waking up this time. I was awake for the ride home and didn't have problems with nausea. I was completely numb. I literally couldn't feel my incisions. The only thing that hurt were the drains. There was one in each armpit which you bump and jostle endlessly which HURTS. Those were removed after about a week. They gave me a bra for support but it hurt more to wear it than not. For the first time in my entire life I didn't have to wear one. They were very odd at first, super firm and boxy. When I say firm I mean like an orange. The longer I've waited the more I've liked them. I have ended up with 38C and they are perfect. My back pain is almost nonexistent. I can hike and carry kids and do whatever I want and not have any problems. It is only occasionally that my back hurts and it never locks up like it used to.
Now, 8 months after my tummy, 3 months after my breasts I still have a lot of numbness. On my hips, from the incision up around my belly button and the bottom half of my breasts. But it was ALL worth it. Every moment of pain, every cent of debt, all the nausea... Between getting through the craziness that was 2012 to healing from my surgeries I have finally learned to love myself. I can recognize that I am a good person, that not everyone has to like me, I am comfortable with my choices, my behavior, my opinions, and my body. I have come to know myself and accept myself. I have learned that I am bipolar. I have hypomania which means that it is not the crazy mania but I have periods where I basically can't stop going. I also have extreme depression at times. I am currently working out my medicine and life is getting easier. I've learned not to live to make other people happy or comfortable, that I don't have to be friends with everyone, that I don't need to stay in contact with people that make me feel bad. I've learned to form deep friendships and not to worry about trying to be friends with people that aren't willing to share their struggles. I often share more information than people want but I don't care. I am open, honest, loving and loyal. Daddy and I's relationship has changed entirely. I barely recognize him as the man I married because he has made so many changes for the better. Life is not perfect. It never will be, but life is good and I am happy. My weight bounces around between 180 and 185 and I'm trying to be okay with that. I am working on recognizing that weight is just a number and that it's all about how I feel. According to BMI I am overweight, I certainly don't feel overweight. Sometimes I feel like an amazon, but I do not feel overweight. I love me, ALL of me. Thank you Daddy for your support and hard work.
Crappy pictures but here I am today. 185 lbs, size 12 regular jeans, 8 stretchy jeans, medium or large tops.
I love my new belly button. Well, my old belly button in a new place where I can see it again.
Growing up I was always self conscious; of my body, of my voice, of the way I behaved, of me. As I got older, it got worse. Once I started working my weight started to creep up, then I had three (incredibly beautiful, wonderful, sweet) children and no surprise it went up more. As my weight got higher, I got more and more insecure with myself. I didn't feel like I could be me. I like to climb rocks, play at the beach, swim, act silly, ride bikes, chase my kids and climb on play sets with them. Unfortunately the heavier I was the less I was emotionally able to do those things. Physically I still could, I was just too self conscious to do it. I felt like everyone was looking at me in disgust.
Along came 2012. It was a rough year with some issues I never imagined I would have to deal with. I started going to therapy, got onto some depression medication and coped the best I could. By October 2013 I was 285lbs. According to BMI I am supposed to be less than 160lbs. I had always sat around 175lbs though. I struggled and struggled. Diets, weight loss, weight gain, etc. The constant battle that many people faced. After the events of 2012 I simply couldn't handle that battle anymore. Every time I "failed" at a diet it sent me into a deep depression. I had enough of that without adding in weight loss issues. So I made the decision to get the gastric sleeve operation. Essentially they cut out 80% of your stomach and staple the rest shut. Your stomach is essentially a tube but still there and still functioning. I did a lot of research to decide on that operation and it suited my needs the best. A month later (November 5th, 2013) I had the operation. I was really lucky to have the support of the entire family.
Getting the sleeve was rough. I expected pain, which I ended up not having. What I got instead was terrible nausea. I threw up every time anything went into my stomach. The days after my surgery were spent between the bed, the shower (my happy place when I'm sick) and the toilet. I was getting down not even 100 calories a day because my stomach and my altered taste buds simply would NOT tolerate anything. Needless to say the fatigue was extreme. I would get up, get kids to school, hang out with Carson, get kids from school, wait for Daddy to get home and immediately go to bed. Once I was able to eat a little more the fatigue slowly subsided. It eventually got to the point where I would just occasionally "crash". I would be good for several days and then have a day I could do nothing but sleep. About 5 months later I was back to normal. 10 months post op I was back to my high school weight of 175lbs.
The only problem was that skin doesn't really shrink back when you lose that kind of weight. I was left with sagging painful skin around my stomach. Pants pinched painfully, jumping and running were out of the question and my back pain was incredible. Of course my breasts were awful. Between my stomach and my breasts I had to start going to see a chiropractor and get massage therapy due to the sharp pains that would shoot along my collar bone and back. I didn't realize how difficult dealing with the skin would be. You see your weight on the scale, and then you see your body. Beyond the pain there was also a huge emotional struggle. I desperately needed to fit in my own skin. I needed to love myself and I simply hadn't been able to... my entire life. So I decided to get surgery again. I was going to get an extended tummy tuck but after talking to the surgeons the results would be questionable. Skin is like fabric, it will pucker if it isn't tapered correctly. In order to get optimal results I needed to go all the way around to get what they call a circumfrential lift.
November 7th, 2014 I got the surgery. I went to a place that had their own operating room and I could go home that day. I had no interest in being in the hospital, often times being home is where you will have the best healing. The operation went well, they had to put me back under because some of the stitches were separating, but I was alive and 7lbs of skin lighter. Yes, 7lbs. In case you don't know what they do, they cut around the belly button, pull the skin way down and cut a new hole to put the belly button in. On the back they actually pull up instead of down. They also stitch together the muscles in the middle of your abdomen. To give you a point of reference I had a scar from where they removed my stomach about 3 inches up from my belly button which is now just barely about the scar from the tummy tuck. I don't remember anything about waking up except for the need to wake up so I could get in the car. I kept slipping back under. Daddy said they had to hold me down at some point because I would jerk and try to get up. I remember getting home and being very determined to make it up the stairs. I was so tired and in so much pain but I was going to make it up to the recliner (thank you Grandma H). Sitting down in the recliner was a nightmare. Daddy and I didn't really know how to go about it and I couldn't bend. I had stitches around my entire waist. I had a catheter and I remember desperately having to go to the bathroom but I just couldn't. I finally told Daddy to just take it out and I would get up and go to the bathroom. So we did, and I didn't make it. Well, I got to the toilet. But I blacked out on my way back to the recliner. The pain was so intense that I was holding my breath and didn't even realize it. Fortunately Daddy was right there. I had a love hate relationship with that recliner. I loved it because there is no way I could have used the bed, but when you can barely move and have to sit it in ALL the time your tailbone becomes the main focus of your pain... it was excruciating. I slept in that recliner for a couple of months. I finally figured out how to finagle pillows so my tailbone wouldn't hurt so bad. The drains were awful, there were three of them, one on each hip about 3 inches down from the bone and one from the groin area. They had to be measured and emptied and once they stayed below a certain amount of fluid they could be taken out. The first one came out at 2 weeks I believe. At that time the doctor noticed an infection starting along the incision along my back and signs of it in the drain from my groin. He got me on antibiotics right away but it was gross. While the incision didn't completely open it gaped about an inch there was still flesh together, it was just the skin rolled back and it oozed. That evening (Monday) the stitches holding the drain by my groin ripped out and it slide partly out of my body. These things are about 18 inches long and half of it came out. I called the next day and they just said to pull it out. Keep in mind I couldn't feel any of this as the nerves were severed when they moved skin around. At this point we were coming up on Thanksgiving. Well Wednesday night, after the surgeon was gone. My drain site on my right hip, which had been removed, reopened. It was so disgusting but so fascinating. I just kept pushing a certain spot on my side and it just kept coming out. It was just like the fluid I had seen in the drain so I wasn't too worried. Of course Thursday they were closed. By Friday it had closed back up so I wasn't concerned by then. Then around 4pm on Friday I felt something wet running down the inside of my thigh. Remember how the groin drain had fallen out? It had sealed back up beautifully but a small (1/8 in) section of my incision about it on my stomach opened and was GUSHING goo. Not the normal fluid I had seen. This stuff was thick and honestly looked like a giant loogie coming out of my stomach! I knew it needed to come out but it wasn't stopping so I went up in the shower. I got a good 1/2 cup of goo out before it started looking normal. Eventually 2 dime size chunks of necrotic tissue popped out of this tiny hole in my incision. Fortunately I was able to call the surgeon. They said to get as much out as I could, scheduled me to come in Monday and called in more antibiotics for me. My appointment was hilarious. He wanted to make sure there weren't any pockets left so he went to my hip first and I showed him where I had to push to get it to come out. He pulls out this fat needle and starts poking it around trying to find anything. It was surreal watching him because I could not feel ANYTHING. He didn't find anything so then he moves to the front. He starts poking around, can't find anything again. I had told him I could still push stuff out. So I asked if he wanted me to (after he'd poked me and made me bleed several times). Sure enough, I push in just the right spot and it sprays out. He told me to keep pushing it out as long as it would let me so several times a day I got to watch weird bodily fluid spray out of my stomach in the shower. It didn't stop for over a week. My back was the slowest to heal and there is actually still one spot that just doesn't seem to want to heal completely. It took me months to move normally and I still can't stretch in certain ways due to the permanent sutures up the middle of my stomach.
At this point my back already felt SO much better but I was super concerned that it would start again since breasts play such a big role in it. When I had been losing weight my back felt great for a few months and then was WAY worse than before. I was scared that would happen again. I decided to have a breast reduction as soon as possible. A little history, TMI, sorry. In high school I was a 38D, after all my weight gain I was a 38J, they wrinkled and flattened until I literally lifted them and jammed them into a 38DD. The problem was they didn't support themselves so no matter what kind of bra I had the weight was distributed incorrectly and caused back pain. So I went in February 12th, 2015.
This sugery was effortless. I went in with 38DD and came out 2 lbs lighter. They removed about 360cc from each breast. For those of you who don't know that is the average size implant. So they basically removed a breast from each of my breast. So when I joked with my friends saying I'd "give them some of mine" I totally could have given them a new set of breasts! Anyway. I remember waking up this time. I was awake for the ride home and didn't have problems with nausea. I was completely numb. I literally couldn't feel my incisions. The only thing that hurt were the drains. There was one in each armpit which you bump and jostle endlessly which HURTS. Those were removed after about a week. They gave me a bra for support but it hurt more to wear it than not. For the first time in my entire life I didn't have to wear one. They were very odd at first, super firm and boxy. When I say firm I mean like an orange. The longer I've waited the more I've liked them. I have ended up with 38C and they are perfect. My back pain is almost nonexistent. I can hike and carry kids and do whatever I want and not have any problems. It is only occasionally that my back hurts and it never locks up like it used to.
Now, 8 months after my tummy, 3 months after my breasts I still have a lot of numbness. On my hips, from the incision up around my belly button and the bottom half of my breasts. But it was ALL worth it. Every moment of pain, every cent of debt, all the nausea... Between getting through the craziness that was 2012 to healing from my surgeries I have finally learned to love myself. I can recognize that I am a good person, that not everyone has to like me, I am comfortable with my choices, my behavior, my opinions, and my body. I have come to know myself and accept myself. I have learned that I am bipolar. I have hypomania which means that it is not the crazy mania but I have periods where I basically can't stop going. I also have extreme depression at times. I am currently working out my medicine and life is getting easier. I've learned not to live to make other people happy or comfortable, that I don't have to be friends with everyone, that I don't need to stay in contact with people that make me feel bad. I've learned to form deep friendships and not to worry about trying to be friends with people that aren't willing to share their struggles. I often share more information than people want but I don't care. I am open, honest, loving and loyal. Daddy and I's relationship has changed entirely. I barely recognize him as the man I married because he has made so many changes for the better. Life is not perfect. It never will be, but life is good and I am happy. My weight bounces around between 180 and 185 and I'm trying to be okay with that. I am working on recognizing that weight is just a number and that it's all about how I feel. According to BMI I am overweight, I certainly don't feel overweight. Sometimes I feel like an amazon, but I do not feel overweight. I love me, ALL of me. Thank you Daddy for your support and hard work.
Before surgery 285 lbs. I honestly don't remember being this big. I wore a size 22 jeans and 2x tops.
This was my home for a LONG time after my 2nd and 3rd surgeries
Before my lower body lift at 175 lbs. Can you see why it hurt so bad? Obviously I'm not putting my breast pictures on here!
See my scar? It goes all the way around.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Independence Day!
Today we played as much as possible! We decorated bikes, swam, had a water balloon fight and, of course, played with fireworks! This year has been considerably drier than normal for our area. There have been many brush fires and there was a lot of concern about fireworks. Fortunately we were still able to enjoy them. Hopefully they wont decide to ban them completely in coming years. Carson took a while to warm up to everything; He seemed nervous about everything including sparklers. By the end of the evening he was playing with them and having a wonderful time. The loud booms scare him but we were able to borrow a pair of ear covers for him from a friend. Kayda and Dillon on the other hand lit a lot of the fireworks! They are so mindful and listen so well to safety directions that we were able to just direct them!
It was a great day! We are fortunate that the homes around us go big on fireworks so when ours are done we are able to sit and watch the neighborhood light up. I really hope the fireworks don't get banned. They are such a wonderful part of the celebration and it would certainly lose a lot of magic without them.
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