Mom's crazy first week of school

This was an interesting beginning of the school year.  I am helping with volleyball while they look for a third coach.  I won't coach because Kayda's team would have games at the same time as mine and I refuse to miss hers.

The night before school started (Tuesday) I was helping with volleyball.  While waiting for the parent meeting I got a phone call from my principal.  I was a "close contact".  Two of the coworkers I sat with at kick off tested positive for covid.  This turned into "put in for a sub for tomorrow, go do a rapid test, if it's negative come in as soon as possible".  Being super efficient and connected, I was able to get ahold of a rapid test that evening and it came out negative.  So I got to cancel my sub and actually teach the first day.  I feel bad for the teachers that have to miss the first 3-5 days of school.    There actually ended up being 6 teachers out I believe, just at the high school.  I don't know about the other schools.

That wasn't the end of my adventures though... During 6th period of the first day, I was teaching, went to pull down the projector screen and the entire thing came down on my head.  We're talking about 8ft of metal casing and the screen itself.  The entire bracket had come out of the wall.  So now my head and neck hurt.  Yay!  

One of the maintenance staff came in... His response was "I have nothing but bad words".   It's actually one of the heaviest screens they have because it's a wide screen.  The bracket had been put up using the plastic anchors they provide for curtain rods...  This is a good 30+ lbs, plus the force of pulling the screen down.  We checked out the other bracket and it was also half out.  It had been screwed directly into the drywall without even using anchors.  Talk about dangerous!  He came in and fixed it, it would take significant effort to get that thing off the wall again.  He promised that "someone would have to take it down on purpose" and "if it comes down again I'll quit".   Good guy.

  I saw stars, then it was just my neck hurting.  I thought I was fine and would just be sore. Over the next couple of days my head started feeling fuzzy and "full" for lack of a better term, I can't concentrate or think clearly, I am really tired and holy heck my emotions are all over the place.  I finally decided to go to urgent care Friday.  My appointment at my normal one was cancelled because they don't do work related injury. So I went to the one they recommended but because I didn't have record of BOTH of my negative tests from being covid exposed they wouldn't treat me.  I had a picture of one but the other was done at school and they didn't give us our results.  I went home very emotional and frustrated.

Come Saturday I made an appointment for a rapid test so I could go to the urgent care. Just for the urgent care to tell me not to come, to go to the ER instead since they didn't have the diagnostic equipment that night be needed. So I didn't even need the negative test.

So off to the ER I go... Which was almost empty in case you were wondering.  They had me into a room within twenty minutes of walking in.  The doctor came in immediately.  Did some tests, decided imaging wasn't even necessary.  Prescribed me some pain meds for my neck, then walked away.  He didn't listen to all the stuff I was experiencing with my head which was frustrating.   Gave me no suggestions on what I should/shouldn't be doing...I had to ask the nurse that brought me my paperwork if they thought I had a concussion or what was going on.  I have a "mild" concussion since there was no black outs, pupil discrepancies, or vomiting.  

They asked me if I wanted days off.  Wanted, no, being gone as a teacher is miserable.  Hopefully I don't end up needing them.   Now I'll have a couple weeks+ of needing to chill out as much as possible while my brain heals itself.  So irritating.

On top of that, with the governor's vaccination mandate, our calculus teacher and her firefighter husband have decided to leave the state.  This could very well mean they're making HUGE changes to the master schedule and all the students.  Finding a new calculus teacher at this point would be next to impossible.   They need to move things around to get our college certified teacher all the college in the classroom classes.  I'd be really surprised if they chose not to move things around.

On that note... We're seeing estimates as high as 1 in 8 nurses refusing to the vaccination and 1 in 4 emergency responders.  For a state so worried about being able to care for the sick people... They've certainly found a way to make it worse.  Hopefully that is rescinded before we lose a lot of qualified staff in areas that already have shortages.  That applies to education too but the emergency/medical is much more urgent.

Mom's moving up!

Two years at the middle school.  Two very odd years.  "Unprecedented"...I hate that word so much at this point.  Anyway.  In March we were asked to sign our letters of intent to return.  In the survey you complete, they ask if you'd like to be considered for a transfer.  I knew a few things, the advanced math class at the middle school would be absorbed by the high school since there were only 4 students (they pretty much eliminated the advance math opportunity), and I REALLY wasn't interested in teaching anything below 8th grade.  I love math, I love algebra and up specifically.  There is not even a little bit of me that enjoys teaching the basics that 6th and 7th graders are still learning.  I also knew that I loved teaching high school kids, and thoroughly enjoyed the math team at the high school.  

I agonized over what to respond.  I like my boss (Dave), I like my team (minus one) and I didn't want to cause drama with anyone knowing I wanted to leave.  I eventually decided that if I didn't request the transfer and a job came open...I would be missing a rare opportunity and it would crush me.  So I spoke with Dave and told him what I was putting in and why.  He was super supportive.  

I tucked all of it into the back of my brain and continued on.  Then, late April, early May I get a call from Martina (a teacher at the high school) asking if I would be interested in moving to the high school.  I was really surprised.  As they were registering for next year they were seeing they had extra sections of math that they needed.  She was interested in going to part time for health reasons and was talking with the principal and math head about possibly making that happen.  Getting a district to approve part time now is really difficult since they have to pay full benefits for those people too.  

Martina, Kayla and Dave were kind of randomly bringing it up.  I still wasn't going to hold my breath.  Then I hear that they have 3 extra sections and if Martina went to part time there would be 2 more, which makes a full time position.  I finally started to get excited, it was near impossible not to.  I start hearing that they've been using my name as the teacher for the master schedule, among other things.  Next thing I know it's being announced that I'm moving over there!  When contracts came out I got to sign one with the high school listed as the location!

I'm super excited!  Sad to leave most of my coworkers but high school is my happy place to teach.  

I tried to grab some photos before school ended but only got a couple. 

Mike and Jenn.  Mike was my across the hall neighbor, he, Sam and I spent every passing period chatting as we greeted kids.  

Throw in Sheri (my neighbor) and Elliot that was just down the hall. 

My very empty, boring classroom.  As I heard more about moving schools I kept taking more things down.  It actually took the students longer than I thought to figure out it was different!

Emily!  This lady made me feel so good when I was subbing there.  She kept telling me that it felt like I belonged there when I came in.  It was almost an "Oh yeah, you need a key" because she seemed to think I should have one already.   Turns out she's moving to Texas, I'm jealous. 

This picture is of Sam and I from the yearbook.  It has a story I want to remember so I'm sharing it.  Sam was a newbie teacher in 2019 when I started working there.  Almost every time he came out into the hall he would have his yard stick and he'd just be hitting it against his hand or swinging it around.  Then comes our development days and we're in observing another teacher.  He went over to her cubbies, found a ruler and was doing the same thing!  He could not resist a ruler.  So one day, I discovered that I had 8 yard sticks in one of my cupboards.  I came walking out with them swinging them around to the best of my ability.  They happened to snap the picture.  It was always an inside joke after that.  He and Mike were great fun to chat with every hour.  I'll definitely miss that. 

I found out they're moving another teacher to give me a classroom in the same area as the other math teachers.  I knew the building was full so I thought I'd end up in a portable.  It's cool that I'll get to be with them all at the high school. 

Mom got a job!

 It all began with substituting.  I started only subbing at the elementary school last year so my schedule would match the kids'.  This year I tried subbing at the middle school and high school.  I ended up covering an English class at the middle school for a couple of weeks and really enjoyed it.  Then, starting the end of January, I got to cover a math teacher's maternity leave at the high school for 3 months.  The more I worked, the better I felt.  Sitting at home wasn't good for me.  

I enjoyed it so much that I was telling the assistant principal to let me know if ANYTHING was opening.  Including part time, which actually would be ideal.  They knew it was super unlikely and, since I was ready to start working, put in a good word for me in another town.  That town is another one with only one high school.  They actually contacted me asking me to apply.  It's 45 minutes away so it was a no go.  

A job opened at the middle school.  I wasn't sure about applying.  It was the MIDDLE school and I really enjoy high school.  Eventually the math teachers at the high school and Daddy convinced me to go for it.  I applied and the poor middle school principal had pretty much everyone at the high school leaning on him to hire me.  

A while after the interview I still hadn't heard anything.  That obviously made me nervous, especially with the whole high school team rooting for me.  Then I randomly get a call.  "Don't go doing anything crazy like applying to other schools" they were in the process of contacting my references and verifying past employment etc.  So a couple weeks later I knew I was going to be working full time again come September!  

I specifically told them that I was ONLY interested in teaching the 8th graders and that I really wanted the advanced class.  They obliged so my schedule only included those levels.  

I'm definitely nervous but also really excited to be working again. 

Carbon River Glacier backpacking

After wanting to go backpacking again (since last summer) and having a crazy busy summer I finally decided, last minute to go on a trip.  I checked the weather and went and got the permit.  I was determined to go whether other people came along or not.  After making arrangements to go I discovered we could ride bikes in to the camp so I decided to do that.  Fortunately for me Auntie Kina was able to go and Kayda was feeling adventurous enough to go along. 

Our destination was Ipsut Creek Campground in Mt Rainier National Park.  Saturday afternoon we arrived and rode our bikes in the 5 miles to camp.  Once upon a time, you could drive to the campground, but after multiple wash outs they closed the road.

Along the way we stopped to take the very short hike to Chenuis Falls.

We ended up on these bridges multiple times throughout the trip.  Kayda hated that there was only a railing on one side going over the fast sections of river.

The lighting was so weird between the pool and the falls that it's hard to see both.  The pool at the bottom is a beautiful blue, you can see a little of it in the photo but it was actually richer than the photo shows.  I saw this and immediately thought how fun it would be to play in/on... then I felt the water.  SO cold.  Delicious (post filtering) but SO cold.

You can see the actual falls slightly better here.

It took us a while to get to camp because Auntie Kina was riding a road touring bike so we had to walk through all the areas with larger rocks in the road.  Once we finally made it was had dinner then headed on another super short hike to see Ipsut falls.  This one was pretty disappointing after Chenuis.  The picture isn't great since it was getting dark out, but you can see the wood debri that has accumulated right across the main falls. We climbed closer but the view got worse instead of better.  This was where we went whenever we needed to get water.  Kayda loves filtering the water...unfortunately I was the one that had to dip my hand in the glacial water to fill up the bottle to filter.

Kayda saw Jarrett carving designs in a stick at San Juan so she was making a "wand" for Auntie Kina.  

The next morning we ate, got our stuff together and took off on our hike.  Our destination was the Carbon Glacier View Point.  It's the headwaters for the Carbon river.

I have a weird fascination with stairs on hiking trails... I realized I did the same thing on our South Dakota trip.

We had to work our way across the entire river bed.  It's much wider than it appears in this photo.  We were lucky that people had put up cairns frequently because the trail was easily lost.

Hello Mt. Rainier. 

Kayda didn't want to cross the bridge since there was so little water and your could hopscotch across it. We decided to take a picture... When you're in a stream you should expect to get wet!

Auntie Kina was overwrought with terror when crossing this stream.

According to the maps the park service provides, the hike should've been about 7 miles round trip.  Auntie Kina's gps and mine didn't match up but at one sign it said we had gone 2.2, mine said 2.75 and hers said 3.25.  The sign also said we still had a mile and a half to go.  Auntie Kina has a lot of joint problems and decided to turn around an head back shortly after.  Kayda and I continued on (normally I wouldn't let her hike alone, but it was a heavily trafficked trail and we were going back the same way).

We found a suspension bridge along the way.  We didn't need to cross it but who sees one and doesn't go out on it?  It actually had a decent view of the glacier but we wanted to get to the actual "viewpoint".

When we finally go to the view, we were at 4.25 miles instead of the 3.5 the map had indicated.  Unfortunately, most of the glacier is covered in carbon so it wasn't very impressive.  You never go near the bottom of a glacier due to rock falls, but I really would've liked to get closer to actually SEE it.  From what we could see it surrounded by steep, loose rock walls.  It would've been really hard to get near it so we just at lunch and headed back.

All around we ended up hiking about 8.5 miles.  We were definitely ready to be done by the end of it but Kayda was a trooper.  We need to do this more frequently to do longer than that!

Monday morning we needed to get up, eat and get packed up so we could make it to lunch for Grandma H's birthday.  So we packed up and got back on the bikes.  Going back was SO much FUN!  We were able to ride through most of the wash outs and we were downhill 90% of the time.  So we got to coast for almost the whole 5 miles.  We were back to the car in an hour.  It was a great way to finish the trip.  We may just do this again since there are a lot of trails you can get to from this campground and the biking was so fun!

Side note:  Riding a bike with a fully loaded pack is a little tricky but is way better than hiking along an old gravel road for 5 miles (10 by the time you go round trip).  Beware when getting on and off your bike.  I almost fell just swinging my leg up on several occasions.

I love camping.  We normally trailer camp, occasionally car camp (drive up and tent), and pretty rarely backpack.  That list is definitely easiest to hardest.  Backpacking is becoming a favorite of mine.  It's an entirely different experience, I love being out where it's less busy and you don't have excess noise.  All the people around the campground were quiet and kept to themselves (but are very nice when you cross paths - hikers are just NICE).  There was no car or plane noise, no music no banging around chunky, heavy, metal gear.  It's just QUIET.  There is something special about it that I am coming to love.  Fingers crossed I can get out more than once next summer!

Kayda's fifth grade camp

Since this is Kayda's last year in elementary school, she got to go to fifth grade camp. I was able to go as one of the parent chaperones.  I was assigned to stations, none of which were at the time Kayda was there, but I had a few free times I was able to spend with her.  She ended up in a different cabin then her besties (Miracle and Adrienne).  She had four amazing counselors!  I heard multiple times about how great Kayda is.  Her cabin named themselves the "purple llama platypi".  They got to perform a skit, they chose the "invisible bench" routine.  Each kid comes out and "sits" on an imaginary bench. The last kid comes out and asks "What are you doing?". They reply "sitting on the invisible bench". The last kid says "I moved it yesterday" and all the kids fall down.  

We weren't supposed to take pictures, the principal was supposed to be taking, screening and sharing them.  There are multiple students that can't be photographed.  Those photos were never shared so this is all I've got. 

I could take this picture since none of the kids were visible.  

I asked her what her favorite part was and all she says is "everything".  In my opinion, her favorite part was dissecting the owl pellets.  She collected extra bones from other kids too in the hopes of making a complete skeleton at home.  Another hit was the was a paper airplane station.  She said she was disappointed with their nature hike. It was really just a walk in the woods, no information was shared beyond "watch out for stinging nettles" but they weren't pointed out clearly.  It was supposed to have a ropes course but unfortunately the facility cancelled that at the last minute.  Apparently the facility tried to cancel the whole camp the week before it was supposed to happen...but because a contract was signed they had to accommodate the school.  It was pretty disappointing in a lot of ways but she had fun despite all the let downs 

As parents we were allowed to choose jobs.  One we had all decided to do was night watch and morning wake ups.  Some of us moms decided it would be great fun to get sweatshirts.  We ended up not getting to do the jobs we thought but had fun anyway.  I think we had even more fun than the kids!  Kayda wasn't the only one that got to make new friends!  We did a skit of our own too.  As part of it we did the dance move "flossing". The kids thought it was hilarious.  Daddy "banned" it from our house because our kids were doing it constantly.  So when I did it Kayda was super excited.  She told her brothers so they were asking me to do it too.  

It was a fun time for sure, a lot of ways it could've been better but Kayda came home happy which is all that really matters.

Packwood Lake Overnight

I've been wanting to try backpacking again for quite some time so Kellina and I planned to go on a one night, relatively easy one.  Kayda is getting big enough that she wanted to go with us.  We packed and planned and kept her pack as light as possible.  We decided on Packwood Lake. It's only a couple hours away, it's relatively flat, and only 4.5 miles one way.

 It was pretty fun walking behind Kayda.  She looked like a backpack with legs and arms.  You could not see any other part of her body.

Kayda was such a trooper!  We hadn'gotten either of our packs adjusted correctly so it was a tough hike in.  By the time we got there we were both having pretty bad shoulder pain.  We took a lot of breaks on the way in simply to give our shoulders a break.

Me being me, I had to set up camp before we did anything else.  The only problem was that by the time we were set up Kayda was hungry and then it was too cool to swim!

Kayda did venture into to the lake to filter water for us.  She thought it was great fun and filled up all our containers, including the 2 liter one Kellina had.

Kellina and I fiddled with the packs before it got dark.  They fit much better.  I still need to adjust them some more but we'll figure that out when we're ready to go again, which Kayda says she wants to do.

It rained most of the night, a summer with barely a cloud and it had to choose this weekend to rain... Can't really say I'm surprised.  Because of the rain, Kayda wasn't too keen on sticking around come morning and Kellina wasn't too interested in coming out of her tent.  I woke up, unable to go back to sleep so I got up, in the rain, and managed to get a fire going.  It was a pretty good fire too until Kayda told me she wanted to go and I had to step away to pack up.

The hike back went much smoother.  We had to take it a little slower than we wanted to because of Kellina's asthma but we still got back a lot faster than we got in.  The packs were resting much better on our hips thank goodness.  It ended up being a pretty good trip.  There are definitely some things I need to do differently to be more comfortable; a couple things I'd like to buy to make being around camp a little more comfortable.  But we had fun and like I said, Kayda wants to go again.  Dillon gets the next trip though.

Mommy's 10k

Warning: this is another one of those posts where I'll be diverging from my endless talks about my amazing children in order to talk to my amazing children. 

Growing up I hated running. Plain and simple.  Give me a sport, any sport and I would do whatever I needed to in order to keep up with the people around me.  Ask me to straight run or for that matter straight swim or do anything long and repetitive and boring and I quit in a hurry.  I would get bored and think about how hard it was, how I just didn't want to keep going, how my lungs were achy, or my muscle was pulling a little strange.  I would use those as an excuse to stop.  Guaranteed.  Every single time.  There was nothing that was worth the effort.  I did swimming.  I was a great swimmer.  I wasn't dedicated.  Pushing my body to swim laps wasn't appealing and so I wouldn't do it.  So when my coach thought I could make it to state I quit instead.  I didn't want to be pushed, I didn't want to do hard things.  

As I've grown up I've realized something else about those times.  I didn't think I COULD do hard things.  Academics came easily to me.  Sports came easy to me.  When they got hard, when I really had to dedicate myself; that's when I would give up.  I always came up with some excuse at the time to justify the fact that I was afraid to fail.  I was afraid to do anything that I might not be good at.  The idea of putting time, effort and dedication into doing something, and then NOT being the best at it was terrifying.  I love to sing.  Ask me to sing in front of people and I break.  I can't do it.  My voice shakes because my body is trembling so hard that it changes the my voice.  Well, I shouldn't say I can't because I haven't tried to sing in front of people since I was a teenager.  That's right.  Half of my life I have been unable, or unwilling to sing in front of people.  I was scared of what other people would decide about my abilities.  Same thing when I was scared of what the coach would put me through to keep swimming.  Or when I was scared of being cut so I quit dancing.  Another time I was worried about a mean coach so I quit volleyball, and the list goes on.  

I don't want that for you.  I don't want you to be scared of what happens when you try.  I don't want you to let your fear of other people opinions keep you from doing things. I want you to try and I want you to prove to yourself that you can be successful.  Even if you fail, a lot, along the way.  Even if your definition of success isn't the same as someone else's.  I want you to try.  There is no satisfaction in doing something easy.  

Taking all that into consideration.  Being able to say that I ran a 10k is incredibly satisfying and meaningful to me.  I decided I wanted to see what I could do and I did it.  I was not the fastest, not by a long shot.  In fact I was 45th out of 53 people that ran it.  But I did it.  I chose to run a 10k instead of a 5k.  I chose to keep jogging the entire way, not stopping once to walk and I am excited.  I'm excited because I did something I thought I couldn't do.  I could barely run a mile before I would quit; and that was when I was my most active.  Now I'm not nearly as active and I ran 6.2 miles.  It doesn't matter how you compare to other people.  Other people's accomplishments are irrelevant. Do things that make you happy to be you!  You'll find that the majority of the time those things are not going to be easy and that you'll need courage to do it.

Mommy's Surgeries

This is another one of the random posts just to record happenings in our family.  Right now, it's about me.  If pictures of me "before" in my underwear is too much for you, well, just don't read.  There is also a LOT of information you probably don't want to know... or if you're like me you don't want to look but you just can't help yourself.  The pictures are after my incredibly long account of my surgeries so you are warned!!!

Growing up I was always self conscious; of my body, of my voice, of the way I behaved, of me.  As I got older, it got worse.  Once I started working my weight started to creep up, then I had three (incredibly beautiful, wonderful, sweet) children and no surprise it went up more.  As my weight got higher, I got more and more insecure with myself.  I didn't feel like I could be me.  I like to climb rocks, play at the beach, swim, act silly, ride bikes, chase my kids and climb on play sets with them.  Unfortunately the heavier I was the less I was emotionally able to do those things.  Physically I still could, I was just too self conscious to do it.  I felt like everyone was looking at me in disgust.

Along came 2012.  It was a rough year with some issues I never imagined I would have to deal with.  I started going to therapy, got onto some depression medication and coped the best I could.  By October 2013 I was 285lbs.  According to BMI I am supposed to be less than 160lbs.  I had always sat around 175lbs though.  I struggled and struggled.  Diets, weight loss, weight gain, etc.  The constant battle that many people faced.  After the events of 2012 I simply couldn't handle that battle anymore.  Every time I "failed" at a diet it sent me into a deep depression.  I had enough of that without adding in weight loss issues.  So I made the decision to get the gastric sleeve operation.  Essentially they cut out 80% of your stomach and staple the rest shut.  Your stomach is essentially a tube but still there and still functioning.  I did a lot of research to decide on that operation and it suited my needs the best.  A month later (November 5th, 2013) I had the operation.  I was really lucky to have the support of the entire family.

Getting the sleeve was rough.  I expected pain, which I ended up not having.  What I got instead was terrible nausea.  I threw up every time anything went into my stomach.  The days after my surgery were spent between the bed, the shower (my happy place when I'm sick) and the toilet.  I was getting down not even 100 calories a day because my stomach and my altered taste buds simply would NOT tolerate anything.  Needless to say the fatigue was extreme.  I would get up, get kids to school, hang out with Carson, get kids from school, wait for Daddy to get home and immediately go to bed.  Once I was able to eat a little more the fatigue slowly subsided.  It eventually got to the point where I would just occasionally "crash".  I would be good for several days and then have a day I could do nothing but sleep.  About 5 months later I was back to normal.  10 months post op I was back to my high school weight of 175lbs.

The only problem was that skin doesn't really shrink back when you lose that kind of weight.  I was left with sagging painful skin around my stomach.  Pants pinched painfully, jumping and running were out of the question and my back pain was incredible.  Of course my breasts were awful.  Between my stomach and my breasts I had to start going to see a chiropractor and get massage therapy due to the sharp pains that would shoot along my collar bone and back.  I didn't realize how difficult dealing with the skin would be.  You see your weight on the scale, and then you see your body.  Beyond the pain there was also a huge emotional struggle.  I desperately needed to fit in my own skin.  I needed to love myself and I simply hadn't been able to... my entire life.  So I decided to get surgery again.  I was going to get an extended tummy tuck but after talking to the surgeons the results would be questionable.  Skin is like fabric, it will pucker if it isn't tapered correctly.  In order to get optimal results I needed to go all the way around to get what they call a circumfrential lift.

November 7th, 2014 I got the surgery.  I went to a place that had their own operating room and I could go home that day.  I had no interest in being in the hospital, often times being home is where you will have the best healing.  The operation went well, they had to put me back under because some of the stitches were separating, but I was alive and 7lbs of skin lighter.  Yes, 7lbs.  In case you don't know what they do, they cut around the belly button, pull the skin way down and cut a new hole to put the belly button in.  On the back they actually pull up instead of down.  They also stitch together the muscles in the middle of your abdomen.  To give you a point of reference I had a scar from where they removed my stomach about 3 inches up from my belly button which is now just barely about the scar from the tummy tuck.  I don't remember anything about waking up except for the need to wake up so I could get in the car.  I kept slipping back under.  Daddy said they had to hold me down at some point because I would jerk and try to get up.  I remember getting home and being very determined to make it up the stairs.  I was so tired and in so much pain but I was going to make it up to the recliner (thank you Grandma H).  Sitting down in the recliner was a nightmare.  Daddy and I didn't really know how to go about it and I couldn't bend.  I had stitches around my entire waist.  I had a catheter and I remember desperately having to go to the bathroom but I just couldn't.  I finally told Daddy to just take it out and I would get up and go to the bathroom.  So we did, and I didn't make it.  Well, I got to the toilet.  But I blacked out on my way back to the recliner.  The pain was so intense that I was holding my breath and didn't even realize it.  Fortunately Daddy was right there.  I had a love hate relationship with that recliner.  I loved it because there is no way I could have used the bed, but when you can barely move and have to sit it in ALL the time your tailbone becomes the main focus of your pain... it was excruciating.  I slept in that recliner for a couple of months. I finally figured out how to finagle pillows so my tailbone wouldn't hurt so bad.  The drains were awful, there were three of them, one on each hip about 3 inches down from the bone and one from the groin area.  They had to be measured and emptied and once they stayed below a certain amount of fluid they could be taken out.  The first one came out at 2 weeks I believe.  At that time the doctor noticed an infection starting along the incision along my back and signs of it in the drain from my groin.  He got me on antibiotics right away but it was gross.  While the incision didn't completely open it gaped about an inch there was still flesh together, it was just the skin rolled back and it oozed.  That evening (Monday) the stitches holding the drain by my groin ripped out and it slide partly out of my body.  These things are about 18 inches long and half of it came out.  I called the next day and they just said to pull it out.  Keep in mind I couldn't feel any of this as the nerves were severed when they moved skin around.  At this point we were coming up on Thanksgiving.  Well Wednesday night, after the surgeon was gone.  My drain site on my right hip, which had been removed, reopened.  It was so disgusting but so fascinating.  I just kept pushing a certain spot on my side and it just kept coming out.  It was just like the fluid I had seen in the drain so I wasn't too worried.  Of course Thursday they were closed.  By Friday it had closed back up so I wasn't concerned by then.  Then around 4pm on Friday I felt something wet running down the inside of my thigh.  Remember how the groin drain had fallen out?  It had sealed back up beautifully but a small (1/8 in) section of my incision about it on my stomach opened and was GUSHING goo.  Not the normal fluid I had seen.  This stuff was thick and honestly looked like a giant loogie coming out of my stomach!  I knew it needed to come out but it wasn't stopping so I went up in the shower.  I got a good 1/2 cup of goo out before it started looking normal.  Eventually 2 dime size chunks of necrotic tissue popped out of this tiny hole in my incision.  Fortunately I was able to call the surgeon.  They said to get as much out as I could, scheduled me to come in Monday and called in more antibiotics for me.  My appointment was hilarious.  He wanted to make sure there weren't any pockets left so he went to my hip first and I showed him where I had to push to get it to come out.  He pulls out this fat needle and starts poking it around trying to find anything.  It was surreal watching him because I could not feel ANYTHING.  He didn't find anything so then he moves to the front.  He starts poking around, can't find anything again.  I had told him I could still push stuff out.  So I asked if he wanted me to (after he'd poked me and made me bleed several times).  Sure enough, I push in just the right spot and it sprays out.  He told me to keep pushing it out as long as it would let me so several times a day I got to watch weird bodily fluid spray out of my stomach in the shower.  It didn't stop for over a week. My back was the slowest to heal and there is actually still one spot that just doesn't seem to want to heal completely.  It took me months to move normally and I still can't stretch in certain ways due to the permanent sutures up the middle of my stomach.

At this point my back already felt SO much better but I was super concerned that it would start again since breasts play such a big role in it.  When I had been losing weight my back felt great for a few months and then was WAY worse than before.  I was scared that would happen again.  I decided to have a breast reduction as soon as possible.  A little history, TMI, sorry.  In high school I was a 38D, after all my weight gain I was a 38J, they wrinkled and flattened until I literally lifted them and jammed them into a 38DD.  The problem was they didn't support themselves so no matter what kind of bra I had the weight was distributed incorrectly and caused back pain.  So I went in February 12th, 2015.

This sugery was effortless.  I went in with 38DD and came out 2 lbs lighter.  They removed about 360cc from each breast.  For those of you who don't know that is the average size implant.  So they basically removed a breast from each of my breast.  So when I joked with my friends saying I'd "give them some of mine" I totally could have given them a new set of breasts!  Anyway.  I remember waking up this time.  I was awake for the ride home and didn't have problems with nausea.  I was completely numb.  I literally couldn't feel my incisions.  The only thing that hurt were the drains.  There was one in each armpit which you bump and jostle endlessly which HURTS.  Those were removed after about a week.  They gave me a bra for support but it hurt more to wear it than not.  For the first time in my entire life I didn't have to wear one.  They were very odd at first, super firm and boxy. When I say firm I mean like an orange. The longer I've waited the more I've liked them.  I have ended up with 38C and they are perfect.  My back pain is almost nonexistent.  I can hike and carry kids and do whatever I want and not have any problems.  It is only occasionally that my back hurts and it never locks up like it used to.

Now, 8 months after my tummy, 3 months after my breasts I still have a lot of numbness.  On my hips, from the incision up around my belly button and the bottom half of my breasts.  But it was ALL worth it.  Every moment of pain, every cent of debt, all the nausea... Between getting through the craziness that was 2012 to healing from my surgeries I have finally learned to love myself.  I can recognize that I am a good person, that not everyone has to like me, I am comfortable with my choices, my behavior, my opinions, and my body.  I have come to know myself and accept myself.  I have learned that I am bipolar.  I have hypomania which means that it is not the crazy mania but I have periods where I basically can't stop going.  I also have extreme depression at times.  I am currently working out my medicine and life is getting easier.  I've learned not to live to make other people happy or comfortable, that I don't have to be friends with everyone, that I don't need to stay in contact with people that make me feel bad.  I've learned to form deep friendships and not to worry about trying to be friends with people that aren't willing to share their struggles.  I often share more information than people want but I don't care.  I am open, honest, loving and loyal.  Daddy and I's relationship has changed entirely.  I barely recognize him as the man I married because he has made so many changes for the better.  Life is not perfect.  It never will be, but life is good and I am happy.  My weight bounces around between 180 and 185 and I'm trying to be okay with that.  I am working on recognizing that weight is just a number and that it's all about how I feel.  According to BMI I am overweight, I certainly don't feel overweight.  Sometimes I feel like an amazon, but I do not feel overweight.  I love me, ALL of me.  Thank you Daddy for your support and hard work.

Before surgery 285 lbs.  I honestly don't remember being this big.  I wore a size 22 jeans and 2x tops.  

 This was my home for a LONG time after my 2nd and 3rd surgeries

 Before my lower body lift at 175 lbs.  Can you see why it hurt so bad?  Obviously I'm not putting my breast pictures on here!

 Crappy pictures but here I am today.  185 lbs, size 12 regular jeans, 8 stretchy jeans, medium or large tops.

 See my scar? It goes all the way around.

I love my new belly button.  Well, my old belly button in a new place where I can see it again.